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I've always said I'd never stop working in porn for a man, and while I'm not shooting anymore (it's an exhausting lifestyle and I wanted a break -plus, the transition into 'MILF' doesn't fill me with enthusiasm), I've stuck to that. I felt like saying: "Probably never, if you keep asking me that". I've got an amazingly supportive boyfriend now, but a guy I dated before him used to ask me every five minutes when I was going to give it up. There were a lot of guys who wanted to date me as a trophy and then 'save me', which was always frustrating. You cannot be in the porn industry and have issues with porn. I don't see how she can claim to be a feminist porn director when she clearly has issues with women in porn. She made me feel ugly and that my scenes weren't good enough. She claims to be a 'feminist porn director', but working with her was the only time I've ever had a breakdown at work. Ironically, the only sexism I've experienced on set was from a woman. So for me, I've always done it my own way I've always been very stubborn and very in control -it was my way or the highway with directors and other actors. I am doing the most vulnerable thing you can do -having sex -and I'm doing it in front of everyone in the world. There's always this idea that a woman who does porn is disrespecting herself, but I completely disagree. I'd far rather do that than wake up at 7 o'clock every morning to work eight hours miserably behind a shop till for about £40. If I didn't want to do something, I didn't have to.
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I was travelling, I was having fun, I could write my own schedule. Were they expecting me to finish uni and to go work in a bar for minimum wage? Is that what I should have been aspiring to do? I think it was actually far more empowering that I was doing something where I was my own boss, where I was making more money than anyone else my age at the time, and where I was working incredibly hard. That always riled me, though, 'Why? What did you expect?' There were people who were really interested in it, because people are always interested in porn, and then there were those who said they were worried about me that they'd expected more from me. I got mixed reactions when I'd tell people what I did for a living. It wasn't exactly in 'the plan' -I always wanted to be a rock star or something -but I was making money, I was travelling, and it was exciting.
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But the more work I got, the more it took over everything else, and eventually I made the decision to drop out of university to do it full time. Because, I realised, its not sex -it's a performance.Īt first, I never really thought of it as a job -it was always just something that I did on the side for a bit of money. I'd experimented with some solo stuff, but never anything with another person, and it felt odd. The shoot was in Budapest, nobody spoke a word of English, and it was a girl on girl, which I'd never done before. This turned in to top shelf magazines, until one day when I was stripping, I got asked to do a porn shoot. I was making good money stripping, and it wasn't long before this led to and topless shoots. So, I decided I'd do stripping on the side.
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"I fell into the porn world by accident I was 18, I'd just gone to university to study design at London College of Fashion, and I was determined not to take out a student loan.
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